Sheltering in place isn’t easy for anyone.  Seven weeks in, it’s becoming unbearable.

I don’t know about you, but I’m noticing a lot more things around the house I have previously ignored: a little collection of ‘stuff’ that really should be elsewhere on my bathroom vanity; dust on the baseboard on the stairs; more boxes needing to be recycled. (Thanks, Amazon. Where would we be without you during shelter-in-place?)

Yet a new thing has now crept up into our lives… holes.

Not nail holes. Not mouse holes.  Large holes where a head has banged so hard it’s broken through the drywall.

Right now there are 28 of them. And they are everywhere: my bedroom, the dining room, the kitchen, the living room.  But the majority are in Lyra’s room. Some are the size of a tennis ball; others are as large as a beachball.

And if you haven’t figured it out… all are coming from Lyra.

Lyra is nonverbal for the most part.  Her comprehension is high when you speak to her, but she can not express much. And that includes pain.

Autism can cause a variety of issues, and one that is common is constipation. Lyra is known to have it.  We treat it daily, but sometimes things just get blocked up (especially when we all are binge eating while staying safe at home).

As we all know, that can be extremely painful.  Because she cannot express her pain verbally, or even show us where it hurts,  she cries and screams. If the pain doesn’t subside, it escalates.  She bites herself. She then will start banging her head against the wall.  She hits the wall with such force, she breaks the wall quickly.

Let me be clear. Lyra is under a doctor’s care for her underlying issue. She has supplements she takes daily although (obviously) sometimes that’s not enough. And when she has a flare-up like this, she is also on additional medications.  And also, before you question her diet, she eats well, with tons of fiber. (We have an open fruit and veggie bowl policy. She happily chooses things like apples, prunes, celery, and carrots to snack on.)

However, we cannot anticipate when these flare-ups will occur so when they do and when they do happen, they happen so quickly that we are scrambling to keep her safe.

In the last three days, I’ve seen more damage to my walls than I did when we had a flood in our old house. More holes will undoubtedly show up as we help her recover. Some I may be able to repair on my own. However, I will need to hire someone to fix the larger ones (and probably replace an entire wall behind her bed).

Until then, each hole is a reminder of the hole in my heart for not being able to help her better. The good news is those little things I noticed in house, including the dust, odd clutter, the lack of organization in newly acquired toilet paper and other essentials stash, aren’t such an issue anymore.

In the meantime, I suggest investing in some drywall and spackle stock.