At 5 am, I wake up, throw on some clothes, grab a cup of tea, and boot up my computer. I have about 2 and a half hours to crank in as much work as I can before the day actually begins. You see, at 8 am, my family wakes up. Then it’s a rush to get the girls fed, dressed, and online by 9 am for school. Between 9 and 5, my husband and I are typically on video calls, emails, writing, and more. And that doesn’t include the time spent making sure the girls are online themselves several times a day – and actually doing the work.

Sound familiar?  It should. Millions of other families out there are doing the same in these times of sheltering in place. And let me speak for nearly all families (which I have never done before), we’re all exhausted.

As a parent, we all wear a lot of hats.  But since the pandemic hit in March, we’ve also been adding so much more to the ongoing job duties.  For me – and other families with kids with disabilities – it’s just too much to bear.

We can’t give 100% to anything at any given time. And it is showing.

Those, like my husband and me, who didn’t lose their jobs and are able to work from home, are straddling career demands and their kids’ development. We know we’re lucky to have understanding employers. But it doesn’t stop the feeling that we often need to choose between our kids and our jobs, several times a day.

Don’t get me wrong, things are never all ‘sunshine and roses’ when it comes to parenting children with disabilities. (Hey, I am sure it’s not for parents of typical kids as well.) But COVID-19 has had an additional impact on children with special needs because so much of the help that our children have a legal right to has disappeared.

Under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), children with disabilities are legally entitled to free educational services that are tailored to their own needs, from physical therapy to speech therapy to an in-class aide or assistant. Yet with COVID-19, many families, including us, have found that those needed services and supports are nearly non-existent.

For example, last year we fought hard with the school district to get one daughter a one-on-one aide to support her, as transitioning and loud noises in her middle school, caused violent outbursts when she was left on her own. Now in high school, she still has an aide. However, that aide can only work remotely with her due to the pandemic. When there are transition issues now, there is only so much the aide can do. It’s up to Matt or me to drop what we are doing and address the issue. Sometimes this can take a minute or two; other times, it’s an hour or longer.

Then there’s my other daughter, who is thriving with remote learning. It’s turned on a switch in her and she’s excelling. It’s something no-one, including us, has ever imagined. Yet, being more severe on the Autism spectrum, she needs constant tending. Someone needs to make sure she is online and active, which means a person needs to be present with her for every lesson. The school is not helping us in any way with her, which means someone at home needs to take the helm.

Think of it this way: the schools are expecting parents – many with full-time jobs – to be a teacher, a teacher’s aide, a physical therapist, a speech therapist, an occupational therapist, a PE teacher, and, let’s face it, the IT person. I don’t have enough room on my head for this many hats, nor the expertise to do it well.

Then there are my own COVID-19 woes. As the school year started, I froze due to being so overwhelmed. The continual ‘too overwhelmed to do anything’ led to depression, since I felt I was failing on all fronts.

I now know has been quite common. According to a Boston University study, depression has tripled in the US since the pandemic.  For me, I tuned out and barely did enough to get through the week.to be honest, if I hadn’t turned things around and worked a bunch of 50 to 60 hour weeks, I might have lost my job.

What turned it around for me was to ask for help. I asked for help at work to finish a major assignment. I sought out a therapist. I strategized with Matt ways to lighten the load. And I began focusing my energy back on creative endeavors: I canned tons of plum jam from fruit from our tree. I began pickling. And I have reorganized and redecorated my home (especially those walls with all the holes as a result of my daughter’s frustration at not being able to speak). 

There are days I can’t stand my spouse or my kids. It’s not that I love them any less. I just can’t stand being with them 24/7. I am tired of fighting with my daughter that yes, she needs pants before going on a video lesson. (Seriously, it’s an everyday fight! She wants to embrace the COVID lifestyle so much!)  I am more often annoyed that my other daughter, who needs routine and plans ahead, asks me daily when is the exact date she can go back to school. And when I answer, ‘I don’t know,’ she throws a fit. If my husband keeps ignoring all that laundry that’s folded and just needs to be put away, I’m going to scream.

I’ll admit it: I enjoyed my time away from them while working. I enjoyed being with different people, co-workers, and colleagues. I enjoyed taking a walk and picking up something to eat at a cool, hip – or even not so hip – restaurant.

Being at a ‘workplace’ also gave me boundaries – even when I worked from home while the kids were at school. I knew what I needed to achieve and did it. Being at home with the girls blurs the lines of priorities. Of course, it has to; there’s no way around it.

I wish I could end this with some sort of inspirational ‘you don’t need to be a supermom’ kind of thing such as Kristen Gillibrand did. Or share some message of hope or say that I am strong enough. The truth is there is no one answer or even easy solutions to something this complex. 

In the end, only I can advocate for what’s best for me and my family. And what I advocate for at this moment is… a nap and a place to hang my hats while doing so.

My girls love Halloween.  Well, they have no choice; it’s my favorite holiday.  In our neighborhood, Halloween is also a very big deal.  Typically, there’s a block party pot luck, with tons of games and trick-or-treating.

However, this year isn’t so typical. The pandemic has canceled the party for obvious reasons, but there’s no reason to cancel Halloween completely.

But that leaves the question: how can you stay safe trick-or-treating?  I was searching for just the right idea and found things including:

• Halloween Candy Chute – Using a 6 foot PVC pipe, and some scary inspiration, you can easily create this. I don’t have a stoop (stairway), so this didn’t seem to work well for me without building some other contraption to let gravity do its job.
• A Candy ‘Graveyard’  – Essentially tape a wooden skewer to your candy and stick it in your lawn. I personally was worried about a kiddo me, as I am a complete klutz, falling on one of the sticks and getting impaled.
• Punch Board – I love this idea. It’s creative and fun. It would be difficult to keep my kids away from it. I think my kids would just punch them all!
• Robot Helper – This cool dude created a robot to share the candy. I would love to do this… but my skills would disappoint.

I was working on another project for my front porch area (More on this another time.) when it hit me.  I could create a spider web of candy in that same spot. Kids could come up, grab a piece, and walk away, without contact.

Here’s what you need:

• Some gauzy material. I got this at the dollar store. Note: do not try to use that cotton spider webbing that you have to pull apart; it’s too light for the job. (Trust me.)
• Clothespins. I bought some colored ones on Amazon but any will do.

Essentially, hang up the webbing at kid height and add the clothespins. Clip the candy to the clothespins. That’s it. If you notice, I have more webbing below where my bench is so I can move the bench on Halloween and put more for the little ones to grab and go, too. (The bench will block reach to my door as well so hopefully not too many doorbell ringers!)

To ensure everyone kept their distance, I also made a couple of instruction signs.

Want to use one? Then I have a treat for you. (Get it?) Click here for the free printable of the witch and here for the one with the pumpkin.

Sheltering in place isn’t easy for anyone.  Seven weeks in, it’s becoming unbearable.

I don’t know about you, but I’m noticing a lot more things around the house I have previously ignored: a little collection of ‘stuff’ that really should be elsewhere on my bathroom vanity; dust on the baseboard on the stairs; more boxes needing to be recycled. (Thanks, Amazon. Where would we be without you during shelter-in-place?)

Yet a new thing has now crept up into our lives… holes.

Not nail holes. Not mouse holes.  Large holes where a head has banged so hard it’s broken through the drywall.

Right now there are 28 of them. And they are everywhere: my bedroom, the dining room, the kitchen, the living room.  But the majority are in Lyra’s room. Some are the size of a tennis ball; others are as large as a beachball.

And if you haven’t figured it out… all are coming from Lyra.

Lyra is nonverbal for the most part.  Her comprehension is high when you speak to her, but she can not express much. And that includes pain.

Autism can cause a variety of issues, and one that is common is constipation. Lyra is known to have it.  We treat it daily, but sometimes things just get blocked up (especially when we all are binge eating while staying safe at home).

As we all know, that can be extremely painful.  Because she cannot express her pain verbally, or even show us where it hurts,  she cries and screams. If the pain doesn’t subside, it escalates.  She bites herself. She then will start banging her head against the wall.  She hits the wall with such force, she breaks the wall quickly.

Let me be clear. Lyra is under a doctor’s care for her underlying issue. She has supplements she takes daily although (obviously) sometimes that’s not enough. And when she has a flare-up like this, she is also on additional medications.  And also, before you question her diet, she eats well, with tons of fiber. (We have an open fruit and veggie bowl policy. She happily chooses things like apples, prunes, celery, and carrots to snack on.)

However, we cannot anticipate when these flare-ups will occur so when they do and when they do happen, they happen so quickly that we are scrambling to keep her safe.

In the last three days, I’ve seen more damage to my walls than I did when we had a flood in our old house. More holes will undoubtedly show up as we help her recover. Some I may be able to repair on my own. However, I will need to hire someone to fix the larger ones (and probably replace an entire wall behind her bed).

Until then, each hole is a reminder of the hole in my heart for not being able to help her better. The good news is those little things I noticed in house, including the dust, odd clutter, the lack of organization in newly acquired toilet paper and other essentials stash, aren’t such an issue anymore.

In the meantime, I suggest investing in some drywall and spackle stock.

Before I went moved to California, I ran my public relations consultancy from my home. I just had my girls and for about a decade, I learned the ins and outs of working at home with kids. As a family, we developed ‘rules’ that helped while I worked from home. Was it perfect? No. But it did help prevent many a professional mishap and still kept my kids safe.

Fast forward a few years and I now have a job that gives me the flexibility to work from home again. It was wonderful… then a global threat appeared. COVID-19 has created home workers where there were few before. And now that schools are closing across the nation, families need to balance the needs of children (including, in many cases, becoming the teacher as well), and getting work done as well.

It’s overwhelming. And more so when a global threat causes greater anxiety as well.

So what can you do to survive (not a global threat but just) being in the same place as your kids 24/7 for weeks while you need time to work? Here are some tips:

1. Sync up calendars.  My husband, Matt and I, share our work calendars since we are both working from home so we know who is in meetings when. It helps to see who can help the girls when. Both Outlook and Google calendars have a sharing function.
2. It’s also important to note schedules change.  Make sure to keep your calendar up-to-date.  One time recently, I started talking to Matt while he was in a meeting without knowing it because it was a last-minute addition and he forgot to add it to the calendar.  When these things come up, as they will, ask the person on the other line to give you a moment to pivot to the discussion since you were working on something else and use part of that time to add it to the calendar.
3. Create a schedule for your kids. Routine is important for all of us, but especially kids. Giving them an idea of what their days are going to be like will be helpful. Speaking of schedules, if there are two of you (or more) in the house that can supervise other kids, perhaps flex them as well.
4. Create a sign and teach your children to understand and adhere to it. I created the one below that you are free to use. For example, I have always been a morning person, so I am waking up even earlier (before anyone is awake) to get my creative and big thinking work done, which then allows me more flexibility when the girls are up.
5. Take frequent breaks and check in with your kids. We are using GoNoodle to get exercise with the girls since it’s been raining a ton here. (Hint: try the Zumba… it’s short, fun and gets the blood pumping!)
6. Course correct when needed.  Nothing is going to be set in stone. During global threats, protocols change rapidly, and you will also see ebbs and flows with the way routines work best for your kids and you.

Understand that there will be disruptions no matter what, and prepare whoever you are working with that it could happen.  Most will be understanding (especially since during a global threat many are facing the same reality as you are).

Free Printable

Simply click on the image to save it to your computer.

What are you doing to deal with the new ‘normal’ when you have kids at home? Share your ideas in the comments.